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"I'm sorry, Mr. Pfister, but I can't sign that petition. Quiet is un-American."

- Maxwell Smart

Get Smart Episode #82, Season Three #22.


When a fanatical anti-noise campaigner threatens to destroy the world, KAOS and CONTROL must join forces to save it. After all, if there's no world to fight over, they'll all be out of a job.


While waiting for 99, Max is greeted at his apartment by a man wearing red earmuffs named Albert Pfister. Pfister insists that the world is destroying itself with its own sounds, and seeks Max's help in his crusade. When Max refuses, Pfister swears to himself to achieve success even if it means destroying the world itself.

Soon afterward, both CONTROL and KAOS find statues used as message drops exploding without a sound. This proves to be the work of Pfister, using a substance he calls "nitrowhisperin." He threatens to destroy every major capital city in the world in the same manner. Recognizing that, with the world destroyed, there'd be nothing left for KAOS and CONTROL to fight over, Max and 99 join forces with Siegfried and Starker to stop Pfister.

Tracking Pfister to his "Pfix-It Shoppe," Max and company are ambushed by Pfister wielding a silencer, who forces the spies to toss their guns away (onto "sound absorbing wood"). He takes the spies to the roof, where he plans to release a group of homing pigeons, each of which carries nitrowhisperin. Max knocks out Pfister, but Siegfried threatens to release the pigeons destined to go to free world cites. When Max turns the tables on Siegfried, Siegfried makes a last desperate attempt to destroy the Pentagon, but he only succeeds in destroying KAOS headquarters.





Weapons and Gadgets[]



  • For some reason, Pfister seems to consistently pronounce his invention as "nitrowhispering," despite the fact that this utterly misses the point of the pun on "nitroglycerin". Max pronounces the name correctly when reading the note from Pfister sent via homing pigeon.
  • At the beginning of the episode, Max is waiting in his apartment for 99 to pick him up. When she arrives, she is driving what appears to be Max's own Sunbeam Tiger, which she has presumably borrowed. The reason for this is not revealed.

Reality Check[]

  • The title refers to the stage and film musical Bye Bye Birdie. Coincidentally, in the original Broadway production, the title role of Conrad Birdie was played by Dick Gautier, best known to Get Smart fans as Hymie, the CONTROL robot. The name of the musical's lead character is Albert Peterson.